Undated 1956 (c)
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Sweet Mother, here is what has been happening in me almost every evening: I am literally like a bundle of compressed force that somehow can neither explode nor settle down and dissolve. The heaviness in my chest is such that I breathe with difficulty, as though all the blood in my body were converging there, oppressing me. In my head, the pressure at times is so intense that I dare not even close my eyes or concentrate further, for I feel it could crack. My entire being is so tense and filled with force that it seems it could break physically.
Is this perhaps a dangerous state? Or else is it normal? I would like to know whether this feeling that it could physically crack is a good sign or a bad one. If it is a bad sign, what can be done?
There is certainly some resistance in me, something that fundamentally says ‘No,’ and I am mentally trying to remain calm, unrebellious, but deep down it resists. I am not at all in search of ‘powers,’ but is this negative condition enough to avert accidents? Could you enlighten me? What can I do against this deep-rooted resistance?
Your child,
Signed: Bernard
P.S. I sleep more and more poorly.
Page 68
ISBN 2-902776-33-0