May 23, 1961
(Satprem inquires about Mother’s health.)
It’s obviously a type of filariasis which obstinately refuses to go away, but anyway…. It causes only one inconvenience now: it makes the legs very weak – very weak. I go through what seem like terrible gymnastics to climb the stairs. Other than that it doesn’t
Page 212
matter. From time to time it pricks, it stings, it bites, it swells up – but it’s nothing.
X said it would go away completely. The doctor said, ‘It will not go away.’ So my body is observing the phenomenon! (Mother laughs)
*
(Mother reviews some earlier ‘Questions and Answers.’ In one of them – dated November 14, 1956 – someone had asked if mastery over circumstances depended on self-mastery, citing the case of Vivekananda, who was said to possess great mastery over circumstances even though he could not master his own anger.)
I never knew Vivekananda. I only know what I have heard or read about him, but that isn’t what I call knowing. So I can’t say anything, and above all I don’t want to seem to give credence to all the gossip that has been spread about him. I have had no personal contact with him, neither in the physical nor elsewhere – not with him personally. Naturally I could if I made an effort, but….
To tell the truth, this question seems stupid to me, because one can have mastery over circumstances only if one becomes the Supreme – because the Supreme alone has mastery over circumstances. So the question is senseless.
If you become identified with the Supreme and there is but ONE will – His – then of course you have supreme mastery. Otherwise it’s all nothing but illusion. You imagine that by wanting a certain thing you can change circumstances, but you still have to be in total ignorance to believe that the change occurs because YOU want it to – in fact, the Supreme is making use of you. Consequently, you have no mastery at all; you are an instrument used by the Supreme, and that’s all.
So all these things [the earlier Questions and Answers] seem quite childish to me, quite childish – irrelevant chatter. You are outside the garden talking about what is within. It would be best to delete the whole thing.
(In vain, Satprem protests, complaining that Mother always wants to delete everything.)
Page 213
*
After working, as she is about to leave, Mother remarks:
The atmosphere has lifted slightly. Have you noticed? … No? Not yet….
Yes, it has been a difficult period. I’ve really had the impression that….
Oh, it was dreadful! Dreadful.
Page 214