January
January 2, 1963
My year is off to a dreadful start. And I am afraid it may go on like that.
Some new difficulties?
No, it’s just that everybody wants to see me!
They tire me – they wear me out.
While I would need … Oh, at times I withdraw from action altogether – by “action,” I mean talking and above all receiving swarms of vibrations … terrible, terrible vibrations!
I feel the work is going fairly fast inside, there are some interesting things (what shall I say?) … like promises. But the [body's] sensitivity and the possibility of imbalance have heightened, in the sense that a mere trifle, which in other circumstances would have been totally unimportant and would have just gone by smoothly, throws the body off balance – the body has grown terribly sensitive. For example, a wrong reaction in someone, a tension or some reaction of a quite ordinary order, causes a sudden weariness in my body, as if it were exhausted. Then I have to collect myself and plunge back into the Source so that …
These are difficult days.
There’s also that awful habit people have, you know, that democratic spirit: if I do something for one, why shouldn’t I do it for another? They would readily accept that I was ill and unable to see anyone (!), they’d say, “Poor Mother, we should be really nice to her and leave her alone”; but that I am a force and don’t give this person what I give that one and that other one, that they won’t accept! Egalitarianism is in vogue nowadays; hierarchy, or even simply dealing with each case differently – that’s all outmoded.
Anyway, I don’t want to start explaining all this, I will do it some other time.
But we have a few tough days ahead to get through.
You shouldn’t let yourself be swamped.
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No.
I don’t LET them, but …
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