June 12, 1968
(Following a letter in which Satprem had complained about
the difficulty he had writing – or rewriting, rather – his “San
nyasin,” and about the complete unconsciousness of his sleep.)
I didn’t answer you because there was nothing to say – I am trying my best!
I know, and the book is going better!
Ah, good.
The book, I had thought about it three or four days before you wrote your letter, it came very strongly – before you wrote.
As for the nights, I know!
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What am I up to at night?
I told you in the past that I used to see you very often; now my nights have been cut down a lot, because I have work to do till very late and I get up very early, so I don’t have much nighttime left. But I always find you in the same place, and there, you are very active and wholly conscious…. It’s the connection between that part of your being and the waking part that’s missing – oh, sometimes it’s nothing at all, a tiny little … You know, as if there were a void between two things. Otherwise you are very conscious, even working very logically: it’s something going on, developing. And it’s from a terrestrial standpoint, it has to do with terrestrial organization. I always see you in the same place, we always work together in the same place. It seems to be very logical.
I wondered … Several times I’ve wondered if it wasn’t for your own good … because if you became very conscious of that part of your being – one is so free, so peaceful, so powerful … that sometimes it makes one feel disgusted with the earth! Several times I’ve wondered if it wasn’t for your own good.
Because there, it’s something that continues: you understand, it’s not “dreams,” it’s a reality that continues.
In the past, I used to go there every night; now the nights are very short, so I only go there from time to time, but I always find you there.
What are you doing with your book? Are you revising it or …
No, I am practically rewriting everything.
Oh!
But now I am coming to the end.
What are you trying to say at the end? What do you want to demonstrate, so to speak?
The last time you read it to me, it wasn’t clear; I didn’t understand what you wanted to say with your ending, it seemed to be indifference.
No, no!
Are you trying to show that the sannyasin’s path isn’t the true path, or how it leads to the true path?
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Yes, I want to show it’s part of the path, that the whole inner
field, the field of inner experiences, all that opening of
consciousness up above, is after all only a starting point.
That’s right.
And that, afterwards, one is led to seek something else, which
has a reality HERE.
That’s right. That’s what I understood, but in your ending it wasn’t very clear.
But it’s going to be completely rewritten.
Yes, that’s very useful. It’s a very useful thing to show that this path was for a time helpful to put one into contact with a world one didn’t know, BUT one must go beyond.
Yes, I want to give this Sannyasin his best form, to show him
in his best light; I don’t want to denigrate him easily – quite
the contrary – but to show his inadequacy.
Yes, that it leads elsewhere.
Because, at the same time, it demolishes all religions and all
their goal “beyond.” Through this Sannyasin, I touch a whole
spiritual attitude.
Yes, that’s right, it’s very good.
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