November 5, 1969
(The conversation begins an hour and a half late.)
To tell the truth, I don’t know what to do …. On Wednesdays and Saturdays, I keep things to a minimum, that is to say, I turn down more than half the people. And this is how it is. And the other days, sometimes I keep working till noon. It has become …
Yet I start early But the requests [to see Mother] come to me through at least one, two, three, four … eight people: each of them brings requests. So there would be only one way, that’s to have several bodies!
I wanted to tell you something amusing. You know that I haven’t played [music] there for two years – impossible. The other day it was Sunil’s birthday, and he told me, "Oh, you should play something to me for January 1st." I said, "I’ll try."
I went there, sat down,
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and my hands started playing. For a few minutes, I didn’t hear a single sound of what I was playing! Then, little by little, the sound came, and I played for some ten minutes. And it came all by itself, as if I had last played yesterday! … So I complimented my body! I said to it, "It’s fine." I was happy because I thought, "It hasn’t lost" – it was easier than the last times I played! It came like this (dancing gesture), it was having fun finding the notes.
And someone played, I don’t know who – not someone human. It consoled me somewhat! (Mother laughs)
It was better than the last time, [[Two years earlier. ]] because there was no idea that I COULD do anything, the body was certain that it couldn’t do anything at all, that it must have got out of the habit, but once I found myself seated, the hands started playing ….
It seems to be more and more, "What You will I do." That’s the body’s attitude. The body says, "What You will I do."
So from that point of view, it’s not going backward: it’s going forward.
As far as organizing is concerned, I’ve lost control – I’ve lost control, everyone has taken control! … I’ve given up saying "I want," completely.
And I clearly see that everyone is harassed, the requests come by the twenty, twenty-five, thirty at one go. So we cut down on that as much as we can. And I had positively said (I insisted, and I repeat it at every opportunity) that on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I don’t want to see many people …. I said, "I have work to do, I can’t."
But I do understand: everyone is harassed. They bring me piles of requests – I turn down as many as I can.
There’s something to be found.
What if I called you early?
Whatever is convenient to you.
There’s no "convenience" for me.
Yes, there are conditions: these conversations, as I understand,
can really be what they should be only if you have a minimum
of really empty time when you aren’t pressed by anything, so you
can go into an experience.
That I can do any time.
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Yes, but still there’s a minimum ….
No.
Because how many times have you told me, "Oh, I had some
thing to tell you, now it’s gone away," how many times!
No, those were experiences that no longer seemed to me worth saying. No, that’s not it – the state is immutable, mon petit, twenty-four hours a day.
Yes, the state is unchanging, but to express your experience you
need a minimum of availability. When you are harassed at 11:30,
it’s clearly not the right moment.
No, if I had something to say, I would say it. See, I’ve told you the story of Sunil – I would say it. No, what I have to say isn’t … There’s a curve, and at the moment, there are some very, very contradictory things present and active: an increase of trust and a decrease of trust – both at the same time.
I get some very impertinent letters from people asking me why I did this or why I did that (I’m absolutely indifferent to it: when I read that, I laugh – it’s all the same to me), but I see, I see the atmosphere: there’s a progression of trust and dependence, a very rapid and great progression. And there is at the same time … all the little egos which rebel and are furious! But it’s very good because it comes from the Pressure of the Consciousness that wants things to be … open.
For instance, some people had rancor for a long time, without saying anything – they are forced to say it. That’s how it is. There’s a very strong pressure for the transformation. And naturally, that’s why I am flooded with people …. Because there’s one point on which I don’t yield, it’s the hours of so- called sleep; from 8 at night till about 8 in the morning, it makes twelve hours during which the inner work can be done, and that I don’t want to touch. Of course, twelve hours is a lot: it’s half of the day So the other twelve hours, it’s an avalanche. But I am holding on to that, because those are the hours when the most important work is done. (It’s a little less, it’s really like that between 9 and 5 in the morning, rather; that’s really when the work is concentrated on the transformation.) It’s not that the rest of the time is a denial, not at all: that state of consciousness is immutable. Basically, I don’t think there are many
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minutes, even in a day’s twenty-four hours, when the body isn’t conscious of the divine Presence – that’s how the body is. But the daytime hours are spent in action, they’re for others; the night hours are for its own transformation.
So these hours of action are like that …. Every day, I see at least three or four people whom it was quite unnecessary to see; so that’s noted, but it’s not a lot; for most people, something is done, it’s really something getting done. It stirs, you understand – it stirs. At times, there are even quite astonishing things.
So what should we do?
Only, I’d like … I said, "There are only two days a week when I ask to have at least one quiet hour so as to do some work …." I don’t know what I should do. I cut down as much as I can, but it keeps coming and coming all the time. And many things that should be done aren’t done.
I don’t know what to do. I’d really like … I consider it should be at least one hour, a minimum of one hour, twice a week. I made that resolve long ago.
I could fix it an hour earlier, but then all the people would be waiting and pressing.
It’s not for myself.
I know.
It’s more for what we do that I find it sad. [[Satprem, and perhaps the world, will have much more opportunity to be sad in the following years – Mother hands
given up saying, I want" …. ]]
Yes, I know very well.
It’s noon.
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