August 5, 1970
(This conversation was to be the last before a serious ordeal
which once again took the form of a month-long "illness." Let
us note that on August 6, as if coincidentally, Mother’s faithful
attendant, Vasudha, was to leave for Bombay to be operated on
for cancer. She was the last element Mother could rely on among
those physically close to her. Henceforth, Mother would be alone
with her "bodyguard" and her doctor. On the same August 6,
she got a cold and fever.)
Funds have suddenly fallen flat, there’s nothing left! I am expecting money, but it’s not coming (money that should have come a month back). I hadn’t reached this condition in a long time…. (Laughing) I can’t pay the cashier anymore! And when I stop paying him, very soon it becomes astronomical amounts…. We’ll see.
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Any new development? I haven’t seen Z [[The person who was to leave the Ashram and put her children in a Swiss school. ]] again.
Neither have I.
There must have been some tension.
Yes, one can’t be here with impunity.
Yes …
(Mother takes a flower by her side)
Do you want "Silence"? – Not Satprem, no! (Mother laughs) You wouldn’t do your work anymore! (To Sujata:) Do you want?
(silence)
Her son met with an accident.
Z’s son? Ohh!
Yes, while riding a cycle he bumped into something, I don’t know what – nothing too serious, but he gashed his leg.
It’s a symbol.
Yes. I found that … troublesome.
But she won’t understand … unless the Grace makes her understand.
(long silence)
This Consciousness which came more than a year ago (a year and a half now), it seems to be working very, very hard, very positively for sincerity. It doesn’t admit pretenses, people pretending to be something they aren’t. It wants it to be the TRUE THING.
Yes, everything is coming out into the open.
And it disrupts arrangements like that, in the appearances.
It’s an excellent mentor for the body: it’s perpetually giving it lessons…. I don’t know if all bodies are like this, but this one feels like a very small child, and it WANTS to be "in school," it wants to
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be shown where it goes wrong and to learn things. And it’s constantly learning. But what comes from outside … This is very interesting: the Consciousness (the Consciousness there [gesture above]) is influenced by nothing; it’s a witness, it sees, but it doesn’t receive. The body still receives vibrations: with some people, when they sit in front of me, suddenly there are pains, things going wrong; but now it knows (naturally it knows it’s in pain!), but it doesn’t put the blame on others: it puts it on itself, it takes it as an indication of the points that aren’t yet exclusively under the divine Influence. From that point of view, it’s very interesting…. It knows the gap between the consciousness of the being using it and itself; but it doesn’t suffer from it and has perfect humility and modesty. And it’s not surprised or worried, because its "May Your Will be done." That has become an absolute law: "May Your Will be done; it doesn’t concern me, I am incapable of judging, nor do I try: may Your Will be done." So then, it’s like this (passive, offered gesture). And when it disappears, when it’s wholly, completely surrendered and no longer exists by itself, then the Force going through becomes … sometimes it’s awesome. Sometimes one can see, the witness-consciousness can see that there would be really no limits to the possibilities. But it’s not "that" yet, far from it…. It comes as an example of what can be done. But … before it can be spontaneous and natural …
(long silence)
What have you brought? Nothing?
I don’t know if this is correct, but I feel a certain difference
between a few years ago and now, in your presence with us, if I
may say so. For instance, in the past I often had the impression
that you were actively looking after us, while now (I don’t know
if this is correct), I rather feel it’s left to a force… not impersonal,
but…
Ah, a large part of the activity I have left to this Consciousness, that’s true. This Consciousness, I let it work actively, because … I’ve noticed it really knows. Otherwise, the sense of closeness with all of you is much greater than before – much greater. I almost feel I am moving about within you all (I didn’t feel that before). But before, maybe my consciousness was exerting a pressure on yours (gesture of pressing with a thumb), while now it probably no longer does, because … it’s as if I were doing it from within.
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Yes, when one is with you, near you, it’s obvious, it can be felt.
Yes, one feels you are within.
Yes, exactly.
Absolutely. But it’s rather when one is physically away, then one
feels one is more with something impersonal. I don’t know if
that’s correct.
It may have become impersonal. My impression is that even the body consciousness is as little personal as possible. At times I no longer feel my body’s limits…. (I don’t know how to put it….) Yes, that’s right, it’s almost as if it had become fluid. And there must be NO MORE personal action. But within, yes (I don’t know how to explain); it’s not even like a person who might have expanded so as to take others within himself, it’s not that: it’s a force, a consciousness SPREAD OUT over things. I don’t get the sense of a limit: I have the sense of something spread out, even physically…. Besides, that’s how, with someone who comes with a very active critical sense, eager to observe and judge, it’s as if he entered within, you understand, it disturbs within.
I don’t think the action gives the sense of a personal action – that stopped long ago (that is, since the beginning of the year at least). When people write to me that they felt "I have done" this or that for them, I am always surprised. If they said, "The Force has done this" or "the Consciousness has done that," I would find it more natural.
What speaks, what observes is a center of consciousness that’s here (gesture above), but naturally it’s not localized: it’s to communicate with the mouth and senses. It’s here (same gesture above). But it doesn’t have the character of a personality…. You understand, if someone asks me, "How do you see this?", it takes me a moment to understand the question. I don’t get a sense of "someone seeing."
Certain experiences make me think that this sense of personal limitation isn’t necessary to physical existence – it’s a thing we have to learn, but it’s not necessary. The impression had always been there that a body defined as making up separate individualities is necessary – it’s not. One can live physically without that, the body can live without that…. Spontaneously, that is to say, left to its old habits and ways of being, it’s very difficult, it results in an internal organization that quite looks like disorder – it’s difficult. You see, problems crop up all the time, for everything – EVERYTHING – there
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isn’t one activity of the body that’s not called into question by that. [[By that absence of personal limits. ]] The process is no longer the old process, it’s no longer as it was, but "as it is" hasn’t become a habit, a spontaneous habit, which means it’s not natural, it demands that the consciousness should be constantly watchful – for everything, even to swallow lunch, you understand? So that makes life a bit difficult – specially, specially when I see people. I see lots and lots of people (forty or fifty people every day), and everyone brings something, so that this Consciousness that makes it all function has to make do with all that comes from outside…. And, you know, I see that many people fall ill (or they think they’re ill, or seem to have some illness, or really have one), but in the body it becomes concrete through their own way of being, which is the old way. To this new physical consciousness, it could be avoided, but, oh, how difficult! Through a sort of conscious concentration, you have to keep up a state, a way of being that isn’t natural according to the old nature, but which is clearly the new way of being. That way, you can avoid illness. But it’s an almost Herculean labor.
It’s difficult.
You understand, all impossibilities, all the "this can’t be, that can’t be done …" – all that is swept away; but it’s swept away IN PRINCIPLE, and it’s trying to become a fact, a concrete fact.
That’s quite recent, it’s from the beginning of this new year. But then, there’s the whole old habit – I might say ninety years of habit. But the body knows, it KNOWS it’s only a habit.
But …
***
(Mother takes up the translation of a few extracts from Savitri.)
The great World-Mother by her sacrifice
Has made her soul the body of our state …
II.I.99
That’s interesting, I hadn’t noticed: "has made her SOUL…"
The divine intention suddenly shall be seen,
The end vindicate intuitions sure technique.
II.I.100
It’s interesting….
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