March 10, 1973
What do we do about the Bulletin, Mother … the "Notes on
the Way"?
Do you have something?
Almost nothing, just two small pieces.
Go ahead, read them.
(Satprem reads)
Is that all? …
Yes [laughter]…. Obviously, you don’t feel like talking
anymore.
No. I can’t talk, it doesn’t come out clearly.
But that’s not true! It does! It comes out very well.
If you have a question, we can try.
I don’t know, whenever I try to come into contact with that
Consciousness, I always sense a sort of luminous immensity, as you say….
Yes.
But I feel it’s stationary, you see; I am in it and could stay in it
forever, but….
Exactly. That’s my own sensation too.
But is it enough to let That permeate one? Isn’t there anything
else to be done?
Yes, I think so. I think it’s the only thing to do. Personally I keep repeating, "What You will, what You will, what You will…. Let
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it be as You will, may I do as You will, may I be conscious of what You will."
And also: "Without You, it’s death; with You, it’s life." By "death," I don’t mean physical death – it might happen, it might be that if I lost the contact now, it would be the end – but that’s impossible! I feel that … I AM THAT – With some resistances the present consciousness may still have, that’s all. [[This "if I lost the contact" and "that’s impossible" leads us back again to the same perplexing question. And we recall Mother’s words: "Only some violence could stop the transformation, otherwise it will go on and on and on…." (December 4, 1971, Agenda XII) ]]
And when I see somebody … (Mother opens her hands as if she were offering that person to the Light), regardless of who it is: like this (same gesture).
(silence)
It’s funny, I constantly feel like a little baby curled up – curled up in … (what term to use?) an all-embracing divine Consciousness.
(Mother remains immobile)
And the slightest contradiction that enters the atmosphere causes me such discomfort, I feel I won’t be able to stand it.
There, that’s how it is.
Just now I had gone off like that, you see, but I suddenly felt uncomfortable and that pulled me back. It isn’t expressed mentally, it is neither an idea nor even a sensation, it’s … I don’t know what it is. It is like a negation, a painful negation. Which really makes me feel an acute pain, and I am pulled back into this physical consciousness.
(Mother plunges in, then seems uncomfortable.
Champaklal comes and rings the bell)
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