(Regarding foreign visitors who have asked to see Mother)
... Seeing me should be the RESULT of something, not the beginning. That's what I never stop saying to them. It's not to give them an impulse: it's to respond to a preparation that needs to take root. Then it has a meaning. They come, it's done in two minutes, they go away with what is needed. Then it's all right.
***
(The conversation turns to Mother's last birthday, on
February 21, and to the difficulty in containing the increasing
and chaotic stream of outer activities.)
I live in growing confusion. It has one advantage, I see that very clearly: there can no longer be any automatism. When you live a well-organized life, things become automatic - that's not possible anymore, the consciousness must be like a beacon every minute, cast forth in order to know what must be done. I clearly see it's meant to be like that. It's deliberate.
Some of the things I said in the Talk you've read me today were true at the time, are still true for the majority of people, but are no longer true for me....[[Mother is referring to the Playground Talk (Questions and Answers) of May 14, 1951, on "chance," in which she said in particular: "Unless the event is the result of the divine Will expressed without admixture, it is the work of what we call 'chance.' In the ordinary world, everything is the rule of chance, except, now and then, an occurrence whose cause is indiscernible to the multitude of men, but discernible to one who is in contact with the divine Will. Only this escapes the rule of chance." ]] To the present vision, there is nothing that isn't willed and doesn't come purposely (not exactly deliberately, but with a precise aim in view), and it is AT THE SAME TIME a complete, multifaceted and integral whole (which is why it's very difficult to grasp). But now the thing is very clearly felt. And for two or three days, following a very minute observation - precise and minute ... The center of consciousness is fairly high (gesture far above the head); in the past it was always there (gesture near the top of the head), it would see things around and inside, but it
Page 67
seems to have risen: the field of the consciousness is much vaster. Also, the body has become transparent, so to speak, and almost nonexistent; I don't know how to put it ... it doesn't obstruct the vibrations: all vibrations can go through. For example (I'll give an example to make myself understood, omitting details deliberately), I was asked for a certain amount of money, an increase. (On the material level a certain number of things are under [Mother's] control from here, and I have to pay for them regularly.) So then, an increase was asked for. Not that the request was unreasonable, that's not it (it was an increase for something special, a daily increase), but, I don't know why (because here [gesture to the forehead] nothing happens, I am absolutely, not only blank, but transparent, and everything is allowed to go through unobstructed), when I had to make the decision, there was immediately a vision (but a vision, as I said, from above, which looks over a much larger field), a vision of conflict, battle, and to the observation there was something [in Mother] very much displeased, like a protest. I wondered why. If it had been translated into words, there would have been indignation at that request (without there being in the consciousness the least reason for this indignation: it all becomes very, very impersonal - very impersonal). I went on looking with the vision of the consciousness, and then, as if automatically through this mouth I asked how much this increase would amount to a week (because even the mental state that enables you to calculate isn't there at all: it's only a question of consciousness). I asked someone who was there, and he told me. Then, there immediately came the decision: "I will give so much once a week." And everything calmed down. Why and how and who? I haven't the faintest idea.
So I am forced to conclude that it's a highly superior consciousness which sees things with reasons quite beyond us, sees also how things must be done and sets them in motion everywhere (global gesture to indicate the play of forces) until they are done as they must be. And where there was a person, it no longer exists - there are no more "persons": there are forces in movement that bring about certain material actions, but no more persons.
Since then, an observation has been going on: I have noticed that everything concerning this body has become like that. So the body itself scarcely has the sense of its limits (gesture as if the delimiting shape had melted). It's fairly new. I can see it has come about rather progressively, but it's fairly new, so it's hard to express. But it's this very body that no longer feels limited like
Page 68
that (same gesture): it feels spread about in everything it does, in everything around it, in all things, people, movements, sensations, in all that.... It's spread about like that.
It has become very amusing, very interesting. It's really new.
And it has grown more precise after February 21. There were one or two very difficult days around the birthday, then a kind of adjustment took place inside, and afterwards came the experience. It was the outcome. There really is a change.
The body has to be a little attentive and careful not to bump into things or drop them: the gestures are somewhat wobbly. It's very interesting. It must be a transitional phase, which will last until THE true consciousness is established; then it will have a wholly different functioning from the one it had previously, but with a precision that can be foreseen to be incalculable. And of a very different order. With many things, for instance, the vision is clearer with eyes closed than with eyes open, but the same clarity is beginning (it began long ago), beginning to come with open eyes; they see differently (gesture showing the inside of things).
There are amusing details in the whole, but I will tell you about them later because they involve certain people, so I'd rather not talk (the details are interesting only with the names), I'd rather not talk about them right now.... It has to do with the "power of the Mother" and how it will manifest - amusing things, ambitions, perhaps (it took on the appearance of ambitions), but I am watching (the "I" above - the true "I"), I am watching to see if it corresponds to a concrete reality.... From a quite external and ordinary point of view (and it's not like that, it's not SEEN like that), but translated in the human consciousness, those ambitions are caused by the fact that the material age is increasing, [[Mother has just turned 89. ]] and so one may foresee ... (laughing) my disappearance. It's very amusing. But I'll tell you about it later.
Very well. (Mother laughs heartily)
You must see some funny things!
It remains to see when I'll disappear! ... Sri Aurobindo said to me, "Your body on earth ..." He said, "What I see is that your body is the only one that has sufficient endurance to go through the ordeal." But, you understand, this body knew nothing about it, it has no ambitions (!), still less pretensions. But basing myself on that,
Page 69
when he told me, "You will do the work," I said yes. So there we are. But now, I see - I have seen: holding out is tough. It's tough. It takes both an unflinching energy - a constant energy, like this (inflexible gesture) - and at the same time, a perfect humility ready to abandon EVERYTHING, because all that is is nothing in comparison with what must be. A perfect humility. I don't think there are many bodies like that. It really (laughing) has goodwill!
Oh, these last few days there have been moments ... a few minutes (it could hardly last more) when it was really tough. And then, what makes it possible for the body to go through is that at such moments, it's completely like this (gesture of surrender): "Lord, what You will." Nothing, no thought, no speculation - nothing: "What You will." And "You alone exist." That's all.
Moments of anguish, you know ... in an ordinary consciousness it would translate into hard-to-bear physical pains, but the Grace is there - the UNREALITY OF THE SUFFERING is there, fortunately.
Oh, a marvelous Grace.
So then, the result (these few days were difficult), the result is this: that the consciousness of the body itself has really changed. Its consciousness is up above: there's nothing left here inside, it's all like that, like something everything goes through.
(silence)
It may have one ambition (it's expressed as an aspiration, at any rate): the possibility of making this unreality of suffering felt everywhere. When the possibility is glimpsed of transmitting everywhere the unreality of suffering, there comes a joy - a light, a joy in the body. That makes it happy. So the Consciousness above says "That's how it is, that's how it will be." There.
Page 70