Notes On The Way

 

1964-73

 

Contents

 

Pre Content

 

1964

7 October

 

1965

12 January

24 March

21 August

27 November

 

1966

22 January

18 May

28 September

30 September

 

1967

11 January

21 January

4 March

7 March

24 May

24 June

26 August

30 August

15 November

22 November

29 November

30 December

 

1968

13 March

16 March

22 August

28 August

25 September

23 November

27 November

21 December

 

1969

1 January

4 January

8 January

18 January

15 February

22 February

17 May

24 May

28 May

31 May

4 June

16 August

1 October

18 October

19 November

10 December

13 December

27 December

   

 

1970

31 January

14 March

20 May

27 June

1 July

5 August

 

1971

11 January

16 January

3 March

1 May

22 May

9 June

17 July

21 July

28 August

1 September

29 September

16 October

30 October

17 November

18 December

22 December

25 December

 

 

1972

9 February

26 February

8 March

24 March

25 March

2 April

12 April

6 May

30 August

25 October

4 November

8 November

20 December

30 December

 

 

1973

7 February

10 March

9 June 1971

 

There is a rush of adverse forces. A mad rush. But the Response has started coming – it is just a small beginning. In everyone it was as though a hurricane – it has not gone completely. All that was believed to have been conquered and repulsed, rushes back again – in the most unexpected persons –  in all forms, but especially in character, oh !... doubts and revolts and all that....  

(Silence

A message was asked from me for the whole of India. I have given it. (Mother hands the text to the disciple.)

 

   Supreme Lord, Eternal Truth

Let us obey Thee alone

and live according to

            Truth.

 

It is a terrible onrush of Falsehood. It was as though the whole world, everyone were lying, even the most unexpected people – everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. And for me it was a living thing (Mother makes a gesture of seeing) oh! horrible, you can't imagine.... A little twist to the right, a little twist to the left, a little twist... nothing, nothing, nothing is straight. And then the body asked itself, “Where is your falsehood?” It looked at itself. And it saw this old story: “The Lord is to be called only when the matter is important ! (Mother laughs) You don't expect to be with Him all the time!” Then it got a good rap!... It was not aggressive, it looked something like humility – it got a good slap.

It was a mad fury of disagreeable things – more than disagreeable: truly, truly wicked and bad and destructive. A fury,  

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until it got the understanding. Then this feeling came in the whole body, in all the cells, everywhere, all the while – it reached such a point that I was not able to swallow when I was eating – until everything, everything got the understanding: I exist only through the Divine and I cannot subsist but through the Divine... and I cannot be myself but by being the Divine. After that, things were better. Now the body has understood.  

(Long silence

You have nothing to ask? Nothing to say?

 

I have the feeling that the destiny is bad.

 

No, it is not true. This is part of the Falsehood; it is this Falsehood. There is no bad destiny, it is a lie! It is a real falsehood.... It is not true at all, at all, at all.

There, that just gives you an example: it is like that, like that everywhere (gesture, as though with claws). As for me, I feel as though I see goblins with hooked hands that try to clutch at everybody. Ah ! You should have a look at them and then laugh – stick out your tongue, like a child with no manners.   

(Long silence

In any case, you are attacked on all sides.

 

Oh !... I tell you it is a massive rush – but it does not matter.... One must rise above, and then (gesture of seeing from above).

 What I have told you is the Truth, it is the only remedy:

 To exist only for the Divine.

 To exist only through the Divine.

 To exist only in the service of the Divine.

 To exist only... by becoming the Divine.

 There you are. 

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There is no “you”, there is no “one must wait”, there is no “it will come in its time”, there is no... all these things very reasonable do not exist any more – it is That (Mother brings down her fist), like a sword blade. It is That. It is That in spite of everything: the Divine, the Divine alone. All this rubbish of bad will and revolt and... all that (Mother lifts a stiff finger), that must be swept away. And that which says that one shall perish or be destroyed by That, is the ego – it is Sir Ego that tries to be taken as the true being.

But the body has learnt that even without the ego, it is what it is, because it is that by the divine Will, not by the ego – we exist by the divine Will and not by the ego. The ego was a means – a means for many centuries – now it is worth nothing, its time has passed. Now... (Mother brings down her fist), consciousness, it is the Divine; power, it is the Divine; action, it is the Divine; individuality, it is the Divine.

And the body has understood, felt very well; it has realised, understood that this sense of being a separate individuality is altogether useless, altogether; it is not at all indispensable for its existence, it is wholly useless. It exists through another power and another will which is not personal: it is the divine Will. And it will be what it should be only the day it feels that there is no difference between itself and the Divine. That is all.

All the rest is falsehood – falsehood, falsehood, and falsehood that must disappear. There is only one reality, there is only one life, there is only one consciousness (Mother brings down her fist): the Divine. 

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17 July 1971

 

I have understood that if the Supreme Consciousness had for one single minute the kind of consciousness that men have, the world would be dissolved.... Quite spontaneously, for us, our reaction, our spontaneous reaction to things, to what seems to us bad, is to destroy what is false. The spontaneous reactions. Not to transform, but to destroy – you understand, there is a gulf between the two.  

Yes  

And it is spontaneous, this idea of doing away – doing away with falsehood. But if for a single second the supreme Lord were to have that movement, there would be no world any more!... And this, I believe the body has understood. I believe it has understood, it was extraordinary.... What are we! What are men ! They believe, God (Mother pretends to put on airs), they believe... oh!... If they have a little understanding or if they put in a little effort for perfection, oh ! (same gesture) they believe they are, they believe they are extraordinary ! (Mother takes her head between her hands and laughs.)

Somewhere Sri Aurobindo has said that when you are in touch with the divine consciousness, it gives you all of a sudden the sense... to what extent the world is ridiculous in its fatuity. The fatuity of men.... But even (I have had contacts with animals), even with the animals that has begun. Vanity, vanity, vanity, vanity....  

(Silence)

 

You know, deception and attempts at deception are taken almost everywhere as goodwill. And those who do not want to deceive but who deceive themselves are already exceptional beings. 

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These are not discoveries, but things that I saw; but they are seen occasionally, exceptionally, either for this or for that – but then, I had the vision of the whole world, of the whole earth, of the whole human effort, of all men, everything.... We live in a deception... it is frightful !... And what is more, one deceives oneself even more than one seeks to deceive others.  

(Silence

That is to say, we see nothing as it is.  

(Long silence)

 

There is only one safety: to cling to the Divine, like this (gesture of clenched fists).

Not clinging to what one thinks to be the Divine, not even to that which one feels to be the Divine.... An aspiration... as sincere an aspiration as possible. And to cling to that.  

(Silence)

 

You know, one thing I have already told you, it is that now the body, the consciousness of the body, knows in advance what is going to happen, it knows beforehand what people are going to tell it. But it does not know... (how to say it?) exactly how it happens materially, but the spirit in which it is done... constantly.... It is very strange. I am there, without moving, trying to belong to the Divine alone, and then things happen – they happen like this (gesture as of things happening upon a screen in front of her), things come, objects, facts, people speaking.... And then, at first I believed it was my material consciousness that could not remain silent, and then I found that it was coming from outside and it was getting materialised on the material plane. That is how, if I mentalised these things now, I could foresee, tell what is going to happen.... Only, in the ordinary 

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man the mind makes use of this for prophesying – but happily the mind is not there, it is quiet, it is absent. Only, when things are told to me or spoken before me, nothing surprises this body, it seems to know. Strange. A kind of universalisation.  

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21 July 1971

 

The body is becoming more and more conscious, but conscious in a very interesting manner.

 

For example?

 

For that one must mentalise, and I cannot.  

(Silence)

 

I am beginning to know what is going to happen, what people are going to tell me, all that... how to explain?... It is as though I had become the circumstances, the people, the words, the...

The body is more and more conscious, but not in a mental way, not at all – but as... as things lived. I do not know how to explain. It is difficult to say... it is to feel (but, really, I do not know how to explain that) how in manifestation the human consciousness deforms the divine Action (gesture of a direct flow).... It is the constitution which is miserable. We belittle, we deform, we diminish everything – everything. We know the things, the Knowledge is there, around us, in us – and we are so complicated that we deform it. Everybody is like that.... So it is at the same time like a very precise sensation of all that has been organised from within by the Divine within, and as it comes out on the surface it gets deformed. Said thus it is senseless, but this is the nearest way to say it. This is our senseless way of saying a thing which is... so simple and so wonderful !... We are so perverted that we always choose what is deformed.

 I do not know, even my words themselves are deforming the thing, but it is... something that I feel to be so simple, so luminous, so pure – so absolute. And then we make of it just what we see: a complicated, almost incomprehensible life.  

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(Silence)

 

Well, I am there, and there is such a mass of circumstances, complexities, people... all, all, such a confusion; and then there is as though behind... it is not merely a Force, it is a Consciousness-Force – it is a Consciousness – and it is like... it is like a smile – a smile... a smile that knows everything. Yes, it is that. Then when I am quiet (gesture of open hands), it is as though there was nothing any more and all were wonderful. And then as soon as people begin to speak to me or as soon as I see someone, all the complexities come in – they make a mess of everything.

I am sure that it is the passage from this life to that Life.... When one will completely go over to that side, oh ! all speculation will stop, all desire to explain, all desire to deduce, conclude, arrange  to all that there will be an end... If one could... be – be, simply be, be. But for us (I have noticed it), if we do not speak, if we do not think, if we do not decide, we believe we are outside life.... And then it is not always the same silence. The silence of the unspoken word, it is not that: it is the silence of the contemplation... that is dynamic. Silence of a dynamic contemplation. It is that.

Certainly it is the new mode of life that is preparing itself; therefore the other one must give place to it.

One may say: nothing knows – nowhere, no one – but there are those who aspire, (how to say it?) who have the will, the pull, the aspiration, the need to know – to know and to become – and then there are those who don't care a fig for such things... who live, eke out their small or big existence – be it as a head of state or as a sweeper, that makes no difference. It is the same thing, the vibrations are the same. 

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28 August 1971

 

So, anything new?

 

Nothing, or always the same thing.

 

What?

 

I am waiting.

 

Ah ! You are waiting – I too! (Laughter)

 

(Silence)

 

It is as though all the ways of seeing the world were passing by, one after another: the most detestable and the most wonderful – like this, like this, like this (Mother turns her hands like a kaleidoscope), and all of them come as though to say: there, one can see like this, there, one can see like that, there, one can... And the Truth... what is true? What is true?... All that (same movement of a kaleidoscope) and “Something” which one does not know.

First of all, I am sure that this necessity of seeing things, of thinking things, is purely human, and it is a means for transition. It is a period of transition – which to us appears long, long, but it is in fact quite short.

Even our consciousness is an adaptation of the Consciousness – the Consciousness, the true Consciousness, that is another thing.

And so the conclusion for my body is... (as well as I can translate it): to nestle in the Divine. Not to try to understand, not to try to know – but to try to be... and to nestle. And I pass my time that way.

Not to “try”: one minute in this way (gesture of slight withdrawal) 

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is enough, and time no longer counts. Very strange, I experiment with all the small movements of life; well, when I nestle myself like this, when I stop thinking, simply the consciousness like this (gesture of going inward), all appears to be instantaneous. There is no time. When I am in the external consciousness (what I call “external” is a consciousness which sees the creation), then that takes time, more or less long according to the attention that is given. Then all, all appears... there is nothing that appears (how to say it?) absolute, in the sense of real – real, with a concrete reality – there is nothing that appears like that – except the unpleasant things in the body; then one is aware that it is imperfection. It is imperfection that makes it perceptible to the senses; otherwise it is like this (same gesture of going inward, nestled within the Lord). And ‘like that'' the Power is tremendous, in the sense that... for example, in the case of some people an illness disappears (and in fact without my doing anything externally, without even my speaking to the person, nothing, nothing – cured), in the case of another who wants to leave... it is the end, it is tilting over to the other side. And so this other side has become at the same time altogether familiar and... absolutely unknown.

I remember a time when the memory of past lives, the memory of nightly activities was so concrete, this so-called invisible world was altogether concrete. Now... now all is like a dream – dream – all is like a dream veiling a Reality... a Reality... unknown and yet perceptible to the senses. I seem to be talking nonsense.  

                         No, no !  

 

Because the thing cannot be expressed.

You asked me the other day (your question has remained with me), you asked me: “When I am like that, silent and still, what is it that is there?”... It is just an attempt (I cannot say it is an aspiration, nor can I say it is an effort – it is the word  

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urge in English): the truth as it is. And not trying to know it nor to understand it; all that is altogether beside the point: to be – to be – to be (Mother has a smile full of sweetness).  

(Silence)

 

So it is altogether strange: at the same time – at the same time – not the one in the other nor the one with the other, but the one and the other, at the same time (Mother holds the fingers of her right hand between those of the left): wonderful and frightful.... Life as it is, as we feel it in our ordinary consciousness, as it is for men, seems to be a thing... so frightful that you ask how one can live there even for a minute; and the other, at the same time: a wonder. A wonder of Light, of Consciousness, of Power – wonderful. Oh! Power! a Power!... And it is not the power of a person (Mother pinches the skin of her hand), it is something... it is something which is all... And then one cannot express oneself.

So, quite naturally, what is most interesting is to find That. Quite naturally when I have nothing to do... (Mother makes a gesture of going within and nestling within the Lord).  

(Long silence

Only Thou – that is all.

And it is quite evident that the creation has that as its goal, that wonderful delight... of feeling itself to be Thou. 

 

(Mother ends with a smile.) 

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1 September 1971

 

As for the body, it is being trained to live only through the Divine, on the Divine, for everything –  everything, everything, everything without exception. It is only when the consciousness is linked as much as it can be with the Divine Consciousness that there comes the sense of existence. It has now an extraordinary intensity. When the physical will get converted, it will be a solid thing, you know, which does not move – and complete. And so concrete.... The difference between being in the Divine, existing only through Him and in Him, and then being in the consciousness (not the ordinary, naturally, but the human consciousness) is so great that the one seems to be death beside the other, so much is it... That is to say, the physical realisation is truly a concrete realisation.

There has begun to take place a concentration of energy – oh ! it is not yet that, very far from it, but... there is a beginning of the perception of what it will be. That, yes... it is truly wonderful. It is so full of power ! So full of power and of reality in the consciousness that nothing, nothing else can have it  – what is vital, mental, all that appears vague and uncertain. That, it is concrete (Mother holds her hands tight). And so strong.

There are still problems to be solved, but not with words nor with thoughts. And things are coming just to demonstrate – not only personal things but things all around: people, circumstances – all that, it is to teach the body to have the true consciousness. That, it is... wonderful.

 

(Mother goes within herself.)

 

The problem seems to have been to create a physical capable of bearing the Power that wants to manifest itself. All ordinary body consciousnesses are too thin and too fragile to  

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bear the tremendous Power which must manifest itself. And so the body is in the process of training itself. And it is... you know, it is as though it perceived, all of a sudden, so wonderful, so wonderful a horizon, but wonderful tremendously; and then it is left to proceed as far as it can bear. A process of adaptation is needed. The transition... in full transition.

Will it be sufficiently plastic? I do not know.

It is a question of plasticity. To be able to bear and transmit (Mother makes a gesture of a flow from above passing through her), presenting no obstruction to the Power that wants to manifest itself.

The appearances are only the future consequences. That is why... the appearance will be the last thing to change.

 

(Mother enters into contemplation.)

 

That can continue indefinitely... the feeling of having touched something and... (gesture of something escaping).

What did you feel?

 

It is Z who made me once understand what I feel near you; she had said, “When one is near you it is as though that made the body pray.” Well, it is that; what I feel is a power which seems to take up all the parts of the body and... I do not know, fill them with an intense aspiration.

 

Yes. But that is what my body feels.

 

Yes, it makes the body pray, it fills the body with a Power that... I do not know, is like glowing gold that lifts up everything.

 

Yes, it is like that all the while.

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(Silence)

 

I feel... it flows in this way (Mother makes a gesture across herself) constantly.

 

It is perhaps that, Divine Love in Matter. (Mother laughs a great deal.) It is so intense and glowing at the same time – glowing. And it is so strong... it is so strong that one can hardly call it by the name “Love”, for it does not correspond to anything that one understands.

 

Yes, I too do not... I am like this (gesture towards the forehead): nothing, nothing, nothing, empty, empty, empty.... There (gesture upward and wide), there, it is... yes, it is a golden vastness.

 

Yes.  

(Silence)

 

I have a queer feeling that it is a kind of... as though the shell, or the bark of trees, the shell of a tortoise were melting, and the body itself is not like this (Mother makes a gesture of opening out, as though the body were bursting out towards the sun). That which to man seems like Matter is... as though something hardened that must fall away because it does not receive. And in this body, here (Mother touches the skin of her hand), it tries... it tries to (same gesture of opening out). Oh ! It is strange, it is a strange sensation. If one could hold on long enough for the thing to melt, then that would be the true beginning. 

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