December 22, 1965

I have a lot of difficulties inwardly.... I don't know, I feel I am very inhuman, as if I were far, far, far away. And all human relationships tire me. I am far away.

That doesn't matter. Do you think it's necessary to feel human?

I don't know.... It's bad, isn't it?

It's not really necessary to feel human.

It's as if I were lending myself to a certain game, but it tires me more than anything. As if I were far away. So I am wondering if it's good or bad (!)

I think all the experiences that are sent to us are sent because they are necessary. I am convinced of this. And fortunately, my body too is convinced of this, because ... If I looked at it from the ordinary point of view ... it's rather wretched.

Everyone around me is ill, and ... (gesture falling back on Mother). Fever, this, that ...

It's difficult, very difficult. I told you, it's very difficult.

Well, I am convinced - my body is convinced (fortunately it is itself convinced) that it's because it has to learn some things. We must learn. There is a lot to learn....

Here (Mother hands Satprem a flower called "Grace"). We must

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 hold tight to it, like that, you know, with both hands, close our eyes when the going is very rough and wait till it's over.

But you don't see anything wrong in me? "Nothing wrong?"

No, no! Nothing wrong! (Mother laughs) Can you work or are you too tired?

No, no! I am tired inwardly.

Oh, one must never be tired inwardly.

I mean psychologically, towards others.

You don't feel like seeing them (Mother laughs). That's very good, an excellent state, quite favorable!

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