October

October 3, 1963

(On Mother's table are two double white hibiscus flowers called "Grace." Mother takes one and gives it to Satprem:)

N. had a dream last night in which Sri Aurobindo gave her many things, then I came and gave her two "Grace" flowers. And in the morning, she wakes up, goes to her garden ... on the tree were two Grace flowers. It's amusing. So, what have you brought?

I have a letter from X.

Well! ... What does he say?

I asked him what I should do: today I finished the second "round" of my Tantric writings. So he says, "Once more start the thing and continue."

Naturally he said you should go to the end.

So I need more paper!

Ayo!

If we can do like last time, Ill take scraps of paper from the Press. I need ... 5,200 sheets!

Two thousand?

Five thousand two hundred! ...

***

(Then Mother translates Sri Aurobindo's letter on the descent of Love, on which she has already commented on July 24, and she adds this comment:)

If divine Love were to descend first, before divine Truth, certain

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beings with a special power or receptivity might draw it into themselves, personally, and then all those wrong impulses might occur.[["Otherwise Love itself blinded by the confusions of this present consciousness may stumble in its human receptacles and, even otherwise, may find itself unrecognised, rejected or rapidly degenerating and lost in the frailty of man's inferior nature." ]] But if this divine Love descends only in the Truth, in the Truth-Consciousness, it will enter someone only if that person is ready to receive it. Without a preparation of Truth, there might occur a very powerful attraction of elements unable to keep that Love in its purity; whereas if the preparation of Truth has been done, with that preparation, It will CHOOSE, in order to manifest, the persons, the individualities, who are ready.

***

Later

Are you still in "The Debate of Love and Death"?

I haven't finished, I have no time left to work, that's the nuisance! I have so much work in the afternoon - I don't call it "work," it's being busy with people to see, letters ... hosts of letters! And the entire organization: everything is in a terrible confusion. I should finish seeing people at four and take up my translation till five - they leave at ten to five! So I have no time left for anything. One day out of four I get some translation done, so it's going very slowly.

I'll have to change something in the organization again - it goes wrong very quickly.

In the beginning [when Mother withdrew], I used to receive one or two letters daily, not even that many; now it's ten or twelve daily, and when I don't reply immediately, two days later I receive another letter: "I wrote to you but I haven't had a reply." So immediately I scribble on their letter two or three very curt words (Mother laughs) ... to show them it isn't worthwhile to be too impatient.

Anyway ...

(Mother goes into a long contemplation)

I saw a square again.

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It was fringed with red, like little red sparks. The same white square. Afterwards, it was as though absorbed and replaced by a square of blue and green light - the blue and green of the Tantrics: it's like vividly colored emerald and sapphire, a powerful color. Translucent, luminous. And the two squares became superposed - the blue first, the green on top.

But before that, when the white square fringed with red entered (it took form first, you see; it seemed to take form between us), it took form and then something eased in you - did you feel a relaxation?

(Satprem nods his head ... silence)

The last two days, Sri Aurobindo was here all the time, all the time. Constantly, constantly mingled with things. And many people saw him and spoke to him - he was very, very present. The last two days.

At times he seemed to go into a kind of ... (I can't say) of inner stillness, then at other times he was very active.

And once (two or three days ago) he told me, "You are with me as much as you like, you speak with me as much as you like," as if it weren't he who was directing but I (!) I said it wasn't true! (Mother laughs) But anyway....

Since that experience of the translucent bowl, he has been very, very close. This morning, he seemed to be mingled with everything.

There are also some rather amusing things: yesterday I saw some people who aren't from here; usually I don't speak to people, but I spoke to them. I started saying something, then Sri Aurobindo interrupted me: "Don't tell them that, they'll be convinced that you always harp on the same thing!" And it was true - I took a look and stopped instantly. He is always letting me know, "This one feels this way, that one thinks that way, that one ..." He is very, very much mingled with everything, all the time, all the time.

Then at other times, it's as if he were no longer here at all - "no longer here," only up there ... in the Supermind! (Mother laughs)

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