May 22, 1962

(The beginning of this conversation, unfortunately not kept, dealt with certain instances of human ugliness. The topic, in fact, was Satprem's break with X who had been his guru for the past few years. The reasons for this rupture may one day be told, but it should be stressed right now that the fault did not really lie with X, whom Satprem continued to respect, but with a group of schemers at the Ashram who fastened onto X in the hope of god knows what "powers." It is perhaps just as well that the human "ugliness" here in question has vanished from Satprem's records, for - although it did come up again immediately after Mother's departure - it concerned only the Ashram disciples. All the details and all Mother's reflections on the subject have thus been lost, with the exception of this last fragment:)

What a world!

Oh! You can't imagine the discoveries I have made since I withdrew and supposedly have no more dealings with the outside....

I was already more than eighty, and had seen nearly every country in the world and every possible kind of person - and, well, I made some more discoveries, and I am making still more.

There's such a wonderful passage in The Synthesis of Yoga ("The Yoga of Self-Perfection"), where he mentions four things (you surely remember this), four things the disciple needs (I have just translated it). I knew this, of course, but the passage is especially timely now - particularly after that last experience, which is a jolt for a physical being. The fourth thing is wonderful. The first three we know: equality, peace and (a hard one) a spiritual ease in all circumstances. He added the word "spiritual" so people wouldn't think only of material ease - it's an ease in feelings, in sensations, in everything. But when you have a lot of pain it's obviously not so easy! When physical pain keeps you from sleeping and eating, when you are plagued by constant physical pain - or rather by a whole host of physical pains! - well, that bodily "ease" becomes difficult. It's the one thing that

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has seemed difficult to me; but anyway, it's being investigated - I think it was sent for me to investigate.

But the last thing he mentions is a marvel - the joy and laughter of the soul. And it's so true, so true! Always, all the time, no matter what happens, even when this body is in dreadful pain, the soul is laughing joyously within. Always, always, always.

And suddenly, when I let myself go.... You know, I have been advised (by the Lord!) to relax, relax, relax. He doesn't want action to result from the tension of an individual will; so relax - all right, relax. But when you "relax" and then suddenly get a horrible pain, you say "Hey!" - but at the same time I laugh! What the people around me must think.... I am crying and laughing! (Mother laughs.)

Well....

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