August 18, 1962

(Concerning Satprem's new book on Sri Aurobindo, Mother foresees that again many cuts will be necessary, and emphasizes that the main point is to prevent the publisher from entrusting the book's editing to some ignoramus. And she adds:)

... But it's quite clear that these people can't grasp it; they're a closed door! Not even a door of bronze, but of bricks and cement - impenetrable.

Poor Sri Aurobindo!

And as for what happened here in Pondicherry, there's no need to make it very long. Because from the time he withdrew to his room (to be exact, from about the time we moved from the house over there to this one [[Sri Aurobindo withdrew in 1926, but it was in 1927 that he moved from the Ashram's left wing and settled permanently in the right wing. ]]), his life no longer belonged to the public. And what happened ... well, it will be interesting in a hundred years. Not now.

***

(Then Mother speaks of the collective meditation held on August 15, Sri Aurobindo's ninetieth birthday.)

Mon petit, we had a meditation here on the 15th, at ten o'clock. [[There has been no darshan since Mother's "illness" in March 1962, and there will be none until February 1963. ]] At a quarter to ten, I was sitting here at the table in a total silence. And then ... I can't say Sri Aurobindo came, for he is always here, but he manifested in a special way.... Concretely, in the subtle physical, he became so tall that, sitting cross-legged as they do here, he covered the whole compound - even extended a bit beyond it! He was literally sitting upon the compound; so to the extent that the people meditating were not closed, they were all inside him. He was sitting like that (not on their heads!), and I could feel (I was here, you see) the FRICTION of his presence in the subtle physical - an utterly physical friction! And I saw him (as

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 you well know, I am not shut up in here [the body]), I saw him sitting there, very tall and perfectly proportioned; and then he started gently, gently descending - this descent is what caused the friction - gently, very gently, so as not to give people a shock. Then he settled there and stayed for a little more than half an hour, a few minutes more, like that, absolutely still, but fully concentrated on all the people - they were inside him.

I was sitting here smiling, almost ... almost laughing, really; you could feel him like that everywhere (Mother touches her whole body), everywhere. And with such peace! Such peace, such force, such power.... And a sense of eternity, immensity, and absoluteness. A sense of absoluteness, as if all were fulfilled, so to speak, and one lived in Eternity.

It was compelling. One had to be just plain dense not to feel it.

I don't say there weren't plenty of dense people there. I have no idea (laughing), I haven't asked for their opinion!

And afterwards, it's not as though he suddenly went away: he went slowly, slowly, slowly, like something evaporating; then things went back to normal, with various concentrations here and there, various activities....

I think some people must have felt it - maybe they didn't fully understand, since they lack total vision, but they may have felt as if he were descending into them. Because in the afternoon, when everything had returned to normal (he is always here of course, but not that way! He is always here), there was a kind of wave of regret passing through the atmosphere, like something saying, "Oh, this beautiful thing has come to an end! Oh, now August 15 is over, this beautiful thing is over." But it was like I described, something so ... more than concrete, I don't know how to express it, it was ... there was a sense of absoluteness about it.

I have often seen him in his supramental light; he has come very often (he used to come when I went to the balcony; sometimes he was above the Samadhi; he came very often). But that ... first of all, the proportions were enormous - sitting down, I tell you, he extended beyond the compound; and he materialized in a way that could be PHYSICALLY felt. And there was such confidence, such joy, such certainty; everything was so sure, so altogether certain, as though all had been accomplished. There was none of that anguish, that tension for things to get done.

It lasted about three quarters of an hour; afterwards things returned to normal.

(silence)

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It was the most beautiful August 15 we ever had.

It lasted three quarters of an hour.

(silence)

One thing, though (he didn't inform me he was going to do it!) - when I was told that people would be gathering for a half hour of meditation, at once something in me took it quite seriously: "Very well." So I arranged everything for the meditation, and at about 9:45 I sat down at the table - then it began. It took about five minutes to take shape. Ah! Then I understood.

He has given us a beautiful gift.

All his sweetness and all his splendor and all his power and all his calm were there - and far stronger and clearer than when he was in his body!

I always had that same impression - it was always like that in his room; and I would always have that impression whenever I met him. And even when I was working, all the while I would feel him behind me, doing everything. But this was much stronger. Much stronger. It was ... one was caught up and there was no way to get out of it. That's how it was - something ABSOLUTE.

I've asked no one, I've told no one, I haven't said anything about it, not a word; you're the first. When Pavitra came yesterday I smilingly asked him if he'd had a good meditation, that's all. He said yes. So I told him, "Well, Sri Aurobindo was sitting on you!" (Mother laughs) "I was sitting below, in Sri Aurobindo's room," he replied. "He was there too!" I said (Mother laughs).

Personally I was immobilized. I had the experience of being completely immobilized.

Ah!

Truly, the half-hour passed and I didn't move, nothing moved.

That's it.

Nothing - everything was absolutely ... suspended!

That's good, you got the full benefit of it.

I've never had that sensation. I've had moments of stillness, but this time I was immobilized.

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Immobilized, yes, that's it; it's very good, very good. That's it exactly.

Well, mon petit.

So you understand, you have only one thing to do: finish your book.

Yes ... oh, I would like to make such a beautiful Sri Aurobindo, and then....

Things are loosening up a lot....

There's still a bit too much of the old outlook left in you, and that's what keeps worrying you. Something that keeps worrying you, and which is perfectly useless - we waste our time worrying.

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