November 23, 1962

(Satprem reads a passage from his manuscript in which he says in particular: "We cannot take one step up without taking one step down.")

That's what I am experiencing in my body now - exactly what you say: each step forward forces you to make ... not a step backward, but a step into the Shadow. And on the physical level it's terrible.

(silence)

But your book shouldn't give the impression that it's always that way - that the Light can't be established on earth until all the Shadow is transformed. In fact, the very work of transformation is to change all this shadow into its aspect of light.[[Mother is alluding to the passage in Savitri where Sri Aurobindo speaks of "the dark half of Truth." ]]

Not to reject it: to transform it.

(silence)

It's very, very true [one step up, one step down], very true, because it's true even for the most material body-consciousness. And you realize the difficulties that represents.... As soon as the body becomes more conscious of the divine Presence and Light, it's immediately as though you touched the dregs of unconsciousness and ... yes, of unconsciousness and material inertia. And that makes the work very hard, very hard.

And just last time, when I told you I wasn't very well, it happened during the night, and it was the equivalent of what you write here, but purely material, in the body. In your book you describe it rather psychologically, like a phenomenon of consciousness, that is; but here it's a phenomenon of the cells.... So hurry to bring me the triumph! (Mother laughs) I was telling myself just this morning how exhausting it was, this perpetual battle - oh, what a battle....

So when you write of the victory, perhaps I too will do a victory dance!

***

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(A little later, Satprem tells Mother how much Sujata misses seeing her.)

I know; some people have even fallen ill. But I am at the mercy of such things,[ [The most recent battle. ]] you understand, that's exactly what's happening. At times you feel that as far as health goes, you've fallen into a dreadful hole, so....

The body was starting to manifest the Force and, honestly, I was envisaging taking on more activities again. But this last thing has come like a sudden blow to tell me it isn't possible and I have to be careful. So that's that.

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